Hall of Cheese entry, originally found at 
http://members.aol.com/AKWare/cheese.html



MILON'S SECRET CASTLE 

        Mission: Impossible never seemed this daunting. 
Milon's secret castle is pretty much a horrid game, and 
the real secret you must figure out is what the point 
of the game is. 

 [picture of the outside of the castle]

Milon's secret castle... Hey! There it is!!! 

         Imagine this.... someone knocks Mario unconscious, 
gives him an elf hat, and dumps him in front of a 120-story 
castle. The nightmare begins.You are thrust headlong into a 
world beyond all logic. It's Milon's secret castle. Actually, 
the castle isn't that secret at all.... It's incredibly tall, 
meaning you can probably see it from miles around, and it's 
heavily populated, meaning it's incredibly popular. So, what 
does Mario do now? He goes around to try to kill some guy who 
took the castle. You go around and shoot out a virtual armada 
of creatures armed with a bubble gun. They leave behind hearts 
and umbrellas (erg?), but the constant deluge of ninja stars 
prevent you from keeping your health up. Sometimes your 
bubbles turn into bees for some reason, and the bee laughs at 
you and flies away. You go around breaking blocks and getting 
the money thay lies within them. The currency in this world 
appears to be giant tupperware lids. 

        If you ever played this game, 8 out of 10 people never 
got past the first two doors. I happen to be one of them. Let's 
face it, the game is so vague, you can barely get started. You 
can't even stay in place for too long, because you'll get struck 
by lightning sooner or later. The only safe place is in the shop, 
run by some hippie. This hippie will sell you stuff, or give you 
some helpful hints. Such hints include "Find a saw", "Crystals 
have mysterious power", "Shrink when you touch the glove", "Grass 
is green", and "Never run with scissors". What a nice hippie. To 
actually get started, you are supposed to know that you need to 
push a block in the first level, then shoot the space it was in. 
Wow. To think that merely bumping into it would've done it, but 
no. You have to press against it for 5 whole seconds. Who would've 
thought?! 

 [picture of shopkeeper saying "find a saw"]

"....but don't go cutting down our precious trees with it, man. 
Flower power forever! 

         So, in conclusion, Milon's Secret Castle is a game ruined 
with Dr. Chaos syndrome, and isn't that much fun anyway. 



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